Freedom!!!

I meant to do a weekly blog but I have been rather busy so haven’t had time to do it until now. I have been fighting to move home for 2 and a half years now as my current place is not suitable for me needs or safe for me. Well I am moving tomorrow to an adapted bungalow in the area that I wanted and it is everything I prayed for and more! It still feels a bit like a dream and not quite real but once my stuff is in I am sure that it will soon feel like home. It is in the area of town that I wanted so that I am close to friends and can still get to church easily. It is in a very quiet close that only has 9 disabled bungalows and out front there are loads of trees so it’s really peaceful. I have a secure mobility scooter box outside to store it in and I have a back garden so I can dry clothes outside and can lie out in the garden in the summer. The garden needs some work but I have lots of friends that I’m sure will help me out. My new place has no flooring but I have applied for a relocation grant from the council which hopefully I will get and can then get flooring and curtains. I also have room for a fridge freezer and a dishwasher so am going to be saving for them. I have been given 2 sofas and some other furniture and feels so blessed at the minute Everything is just coming together at the right time.

There have been times over the last couple of years that I have ranted at God and asked him what was going in and why I wasn’t getting anywhere with moving. Now I can see that God’s timing is perfect and that he was waiting for my perfect home to become available. When I found out I cried so much from sheer relief and joy and as I went round it o Tuesday at the viewing, I was smiling but really teary as well and overwhelmed at how amazing it is. The old lady who lived there before had things put in to help her and when she died they were left in so I now have a special toilet that is like a toilet and bidet in one so it cleans you. The front and back door ore electric so I press the remote control and they open. The windows in the living room and bedroom are the same, open with the remote and the curtains in those rooms do the same thing. It’s just amazing!

I’m really happy about moving but it has been difficult as well for many reasons. I have really struggled with sorting out change of addresses and sorting out bills and internet and phone and everything and trying to sort through stuff an put in boxes or ready for friends to put in boxes has really taken it out of me. I should have let friends do more instead of overdoing it but I don’t like to be a pain and be asking for stuff all the time. I have lots of people helping with the move and I feel so incredibly blessed that so many people care about me and will help me. I really couldn’t have done it on my own so I am grateful to them but I know that it will take me resting for a few weeks to get over moving house. The move has also brought up some emotional stuff as well that I am dealing with. I had certain expectations and dreams when I moved here 4 and a half years ago and obviously since getting ill, my life has changed dramatically and lots of my hopes and dreams have not happened and it has been quite emotional dealing with those feelings of loss and failure. When I moved here I was going to study to be a midwife, I was very active in church and doing training there. I volunteered for a local charity and I had a social life. I was so happy to be living next to the river and would go for long walks along the towpath every day and feed the ducks. I hoped that I would meet someone and get married and that when I moved next it would be to start my married life. I know that these feelings are similar to those felt by others that have chronic illnesses. You have to grieve when you get ill and learn to live differently and some of your dreams become impossible and it is a really painful thing to go through. I have also had to be realistic about the move and while it will make life so much easier in so many ways, it will not make my life perfect. I will still have days where I am stuck in bed and unable to cook and shower and stuff but will be able to do things like that more often and safer which is brilliant.

I think I mentioned in my last blog that I have had trouble with some neighbours here. Well, my next door neighbour has mental health problems and is obsessed with me and has made my life hell for a couple of years now. She has cut the brake wires on the scooter, banged on walls and screamed and screeched at me, spread lies, reported me to the rspca and benefit fraud and generally been as unpleasant as possible. Well I have wondered where she has been getting her information about me from for a long time and thought maybe a neighbour was gossiping but on last Friday I got home from nipping to the shop for newspapers for packing and she was standing behind her door speaking loudly on the phone to the counsil telling them that I am not disabled and that they shouldn’t be moving me. I could hear and just thought it was annoying but then she told them my new address and said that another neighbour had told her. I was so upset and angry and stupidly believed it was another neighbour who I am friends with and unfriended her on facebook. In the morning when I had calmed down a bit I realised that I hadn’t told this other neighbour or anyone the name of my street so I had to go on and send a message to her and apologise for being so stupid and hurtful. I figured out that the only way she could possible know my address is if she had been in my flat while I was out as my address was written on a notepad next to my bed. About 3 years ago before she decided to start the hate campaign, se offered to feed my rabbit for me while I was away. She must have had a spare key cut because there is no possible way that she could have found out any other way. The police came round but there is not much that they can do but will write to her warning her that she must not come in my flat. I am so happy to get away from her and the young bloke that have made life so bad for me for so long and have made my health worse because of their behaviour.

It has also been a worrying time for my family. My Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and he has been having tests to see if it had spread. his bone scan came back clear and then this week we found out that is MRI came back clear as well which is brilliant news. He will have an operation to have it removed and will take quite a while to recover but hopefully that will be the end of it. I know my parents have really wanted to come and help me move house but they just can’t with everything that is going on and I wouldn’t expect to but I know they really wanted to. Hopefully they will e able to come soon though but obviously depends on when the op is and recovery times and stuff. I can’t wait for them to see my new home though.

I am having to change from virgin media as they cannot do a landline in my new place so am going with a new company who will hopefully be good and will e saving me quite a but of money each month too. The only problem is that I wont have internet or landline for a couple of weeks at least so will miss chatting to my friends on facebook and in the disability groups but it will probably be good for me to just concentrate on resting for a couple of weeks anyway. I will do some reading and listen to UCB radio and no doubt it will go quickly.

I am going to have my last bubble bath, no bath in my new place, and get an early night as it’s gonna be a long day tomorrow. Hoping the rescue remedy will help it not be too stressful for Merlin. He’s not a happy kitty with all the boxes and change but am hoping that he will settle in quickly and it is nice and quiet for him and lots of trees to climb. I will say goodbye for ow and looking forward to updating you on my new place soon!

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